forever beasts

Did I really hate him, of course not. But was I frustrated by the fact that he didn't save me from my demons...maybe. I just wanted to go away. I wanted to go away from it all and just die.
I heard him calling to me quietly, inside my head. He was frantic and quiet and I knew time was of the essence. I knew that in order to escape, I had to answer him. His mind was an open feild to me now. He knew that in order for me to trust him, he had to let me inside to see what he held within. I walked the halls of his mind quietly and surveyed all that was there inside him. I started to calm gradually and consider going back to him. Reaching into my little sachel, I retrieved two sprigs of Alonitum and chewed absent mindedly. How long could this go on, even in the wild. I fingered through the bag of seeds and wondered if I held the answer to this problem. I had little time to think and to roll these things over in my head. Things were not as they seemed and I could see this in his thoughts. I could see everything, peices of my dead parents strewn across the forest floor, Tamas, writhing in pain as his silver arrow protruded from the beast which had attacked him. The beast was dead but Tamas and I were wounded. Tamas lie dying in my mind...dying on the forest floor with my name upon his lips and the name of my mother there as well.

I wept upon the cavern floor as Tamas called to me desperately. I wept for everything...my undoing, my demons and my fate which was still dangling by a thin thread.

I heard them then, I smelled them coming for me...for us. I knew they were nearing our location and I had to do something. Without much further thought, I made my decision.

.....................

We were running, Tamas and I...trying to escape death on horseback. The huntsman pounded the path behind us and we ran faster. Tamas squeezed my hand and pulled me further.

"You must run faster, Roma. They are gaining on us." Tamas didn't look as winded as I, so he pulled me again and urged my forward. I felt my belt slipping and looked down just in time to catch the small sachels containing my meds. My hand gripped the loose leather strap and pulled the bags up to my breast.

Tamas stopped momentarily and looked at me. "What is that? It's the Alconitum." Tamas answered his own question after quickly searching my mind. He frowned and pulled me on....running again...galloping back to full sprint. In a turn or two we encountered a high slope and decided to climb. Tamas pulled me, simply dragging and tugging, up the hillside. At the top of the slope, he dodged behind a  huge oak and took my face roughly into his hands.

"I don't want to run anymore, Roma." Tamas looked defeated and broken. "I don't want to hide."

I was astonded by his confession of weakness. I smiled weakly and held tight my herb bag. "What do you mean, Tamas?"

Tamas caressed my face and spoke. "I have no Alconitum."

I looked at the bag and nodded. "Then I shall share with you, Tamas. Besides, I think I have seeds to grown more when we can...."

Tamas interrupted me and spoke sternly. "Roma, we don't have time for that. Planting takes days to come to fruition. We do not have days left until the moon moves away...until the danger has passed...We do not have enough time."

" I have 4 sprigs of Alconitum left." Just as I announced the fact, I was floored. I did not have enough to keep myself human, besides sharing with Tamas. I knew that this was over before I even spoke. I knew that soon, our humanity would be gone and there was nothing I could do about it. "So what do you propose that we do, Tamas?"

Tamas glanced around the oak and then back to me. His face was a mixture of sadness and love. There beyond those simple feelings was the fact that Tamas had already made peace with the beast inside of himself. He didn't have to say a word for me to understand and yet he did. He found the humanity within himself to speak those hurtful and dreading words that he longed to hide from me. "Roma, we have to change...or we will die. We have to let the beast have its way."

I frowned and shook my head in denial. For such a long time, I had lived off the Alconitum. I had made a life for myself in Malvachia for years. Things had become routine except for maybe a little mishap here and there. Overall, I had done very well for myself with the help of the taltos people who roamed the vasts forests. I almost covered my tracks until the last mishap which drove me into the caverns. I opened my mind and showed Tamas what I was feeling, what had happened to me and why they were hunting me. Tamas smiled and caressed my face again.

"I know...I know what you did and its not your fault. He was just one of them...he was a hunter. They will never forgive you for defiling one of their own. They will kill you, Roma." Tamas looked ashamed at what he had pulled free from my mind and so he put it back there and covered it back up for me.

I exhaled and dropped the velvet sachels on the forest floor. I knew that Tamas was right and there was no other way. I connected with his mind and he saw my answer clearly enough.
"Okay sweetheart...just stick with me and don't be afraid. We have until nightfall and then....we must be ready to attack. You are free and you shall remain so." He pulled me up and we ran on up the hill and over the ridge.

.............................

I am not sure how far we ran but I know that we only stayed ahead of the huntsman for this time, they persistant. The waning of the moon had left them with false security of what the night would bring. All their legends and stories which had been shared with them by their elders had led them to the false comfort of safety. Their hearts pumped wildly and their horses frothed at the mouth. They pushed on and on and grew closer as the day died. I heard their excitement and their anger at both the prospect of my murder and the fast fading fear of Tamas. They were willing to face the blue eyed demon in exchange for the capture of the beast. As far as they knew, I was loaded up on Alconitum and it would be a breeze to bring me down. Ten strong men could surely reign me in along with their renegade scout...which to them was surely human enough in their eyes by now.

The mud was curling around our feet pulling us down as we trudged through the mire and muck. The newly falling snow was melting and creating a strange captive force for us to reckon with. But still, Tamas pulled us onward...onward and through the spring, the valley and closer to the northern regions. By the time that the sun was falling low, we had reached a high ridge and could run no more. I looked into the sky and saw our lunar friend crawling up the heavens in an early hello.

I dropped the Alconitum and starred at it in fear. It was my crutch, my helpmate for years that had passed. I had released its hold on me and now I was ready.

 I saw the moon first and so I nudged Tamas to look up and into the sky at its brilliance. When the light shone on his face he smiled.

 "There it is....the light which revealed the truth" Tamas looked over at me still smiling like someone gone mad. "and the truth was not pretty at all...but the truth was free."

His words sent chills throughout my body and tickled my skin. I felt those words gripping my mind, pulling me under and dragging me down into something that I was not accostumed to. I panicked suddenly and dropped to all fours. Tamas snatched the velvet bags from my reach and chunked them both over the ridge. I fell onto the ground and gasped in defeat.

"Tamas....I...cannot do this." I lay down and curled into a ball. I didn't know how to change...to transform. I only knew how to remain human at all costs.

Tamas squated beside me and looked into my eyes. I could see the pupils dilating quickly and the color of his face was darkeneing. "It is upon us, Roma. It is here and we are ready...I am ready...you have to be ready. They are coming up the hill now. Accept who you are and do it now!"

At the end of his words, I felt the contraction. I felt it spread up and into my bowels, every organ inside was on fire. I cringed and screamed out suddenly. In the distance, I heard the horses whinnying and snorting in fear. The hunters were talking and yet they pulled onward. I screamed again and then the hunters paused. I felt their every fear become concrete, I smelled their cowardis suddenly and I smelled my own animalistic changes proceeding onward. I looked for Tamas but he was gone. In an attempt to rise, I saw Tamas writhing on the ground and growling loudly. His body shook and contorted in the brightness of the moonlight. I would have tried to help him but I couldn't think clearly. I felt my vision grow blurry and the colors began to disappear. I reached up to feel my face and it was hot as fire...my hands were shaking and I felt as if I was going completely insane. My last thought as a human was ...why...oh why was I on fire?

..............................

I was staring into the face of a beast. I should have been frightened, I know. There are so many things in this world that should frighten us. But I was not scared at all. I was simply fascinated by what I saw. Its fur was covered in shimmering red drops of something beautiful. I could see everything around me as well and the beast did not try to hurt me at all. I could hear it growling gently along with all the other creatures of the forest. The beast just stared at me at first then it loped off down a trail...so I followed. I could smell death...death all around me but I did not look. I was so enamored by the creature and its strength. And that is when I noticed something odd about myself. My vantage point was odd. The trees, they seemd to be in the wrong position...and I was no longer cold at all. I thought of Tamas, I thought of his beautiful face and his love. I missed Tamas. Suddenly, I was a little afraid. Where was Tamas...why did he leave me here alone with these beasts? I grew saddened by his absense and the further I went down the trail following that horrid beast, the more I missed Tamas. I felt a pain inside that nothing could explain...not even I. I could not stop following the beast...I could smell him and he was so familiar but I could not read its thoughts. The beast stopped and turned back toward me. His blue eyes twinkled in the moonlight and my soul just died a little. I lifted my head and screamed because I knew that Tamas was no longer Tamas.

I heard my scream and it killed me inside for all I heard was a loud...piercing .... and monstrous howl.

I knew that we were beasts and I knew that what had happened could not be undone.