I will not say that I am innocent because I am not. What I will say is this. I roamed the forest at night and it was my nature to do so. I hunted there during certain seasons, as I allowed. At intervals during the summer months I allowed myself to take freely of my nature and act as nature would see fit.
In between my excursions, I lived as a semi-normal female. I would tend to my household duties quietly in a small shack away from the nearby villagers. At times beyond my season, I used simple weaponry to hunt my food. A small long bow and my favorite throwing hatchet served to bring me sustenance. I washed my clothing in the spring at the edge of the valley and there I got my water supply as well. I utilized the animal fat to construct candles and preservatives for the winter seasons. My favorite part of my solitude was the fire. Every night beneath the moon and stars, I crafted my humble fire and took hold of memories of days before. With my feet planted firmly upon the earth, I sat before the flames feeling the tickling breeze. Before retiring for the night, I would take a solomn dip in the nearby lake, washing away my pain. Earth, Fire, Air, Water….and I was content and falling fast to sleep.
I wasn’t always alone, you see. I was once a part of the nearby village. I was somewhat included in the small Christian based society of my parents. But I could not stay there, I had to leave. This was done primarily because they were different than I was and the last time I tried to blend in, several of the other women made me feel very unwelcome. I admit, I was awkward and defiant to the traditional roles that these women played. I did not want to talk behind the blackberry bushes after mass about trivial things. Trivial to say the least, for what I call trivial is their ridiculous habit of degrading each other in the company of themselves. I found this utterly stupid and pulled away from such wastes of time. I tried my hand at conversation with these women but it seemed thoughts that delved much deeper than the village gossip was beyond their grasp. Two of the girls, whom I remember the most, would look at me in disgust and make some comment about my silly topic of conversation. I came to the realization that something within them had enmity toward me, as the snake to eve in the story form the great Christian bible. Yes, I knew the bible, and it shocked those two women as well. As I spoke of that story in particular to try and let them know how I felt, they grew even more confused and pulled at the other girl’s sleeves.
The apparent leader of the group spoke loudly before leaving in hopes that the whole departing congregation would hear her. “Come on girls, looks as though we have lost this poor girl in our daunting intellect.”
I stood in shock with both brows lifted high. I decided then and there that I would take my leave of society. I looked to my right, where stood Lawrence, and noticed that he had turned away from me completely. I wanted to say goodbye but I was then the object of everyone else’s stares. I simply turned and walked away.
I left a trail of painful misunderstandings behind me on the pathway. I wouldn’t let them see my tears for then they would have seen my humiliation; and this I would not give to them.
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