Minerva

Minerva.

Driving is therapuetic. I have learned from various quiet times and solitude within my car, that driving will give you time to think and rethink your actions. The things you have done will haunt you while the things you never did will keep you contemplating for hours. There are rainy days when driving will have you hynotised and easily distracted but still leave you with the instincts to keep your eye on the road. Then sunny days are easy driving but with an urge to be outside feeling the sun naturally. sometimes, I really miss the sun. This car can be like a prison.

  Then driving can drive you insane. The times when you cry continuously from mile to mile about the thing you couldn’t stop. The memories come rushing in because of one stupid song you heard on the radio. The song that played the moment your relationship ended or the song that was playing the night your mother passed away. These times driving, you think might just veer over into the other lane and get it over with. But you don’t…and why, there are no simple reasons.

I was a lovestruck pheonix. I rose from the ashes of one relationship to fall into another. Whether it was healthy or not, didn’t really concern me at the time. I had morals, ones which didn’t allow me to compromise with society's peer pressures. But yet, Some  call me fickle but I call it complicated just not satisfied with being alone. Yes,I can be alone at times and really enjoy the fact that I am, but love is just so desirable and wanted.

I wasn’t on the rebound at all. There was a space of a year between the dead love and the living one-the new conquest, I would always say. I wasn’t looking for love at all. It was serendipity. I had devoted my time to a job that kept me occupied. I was a traveling salesman, selling insurance to various businesses for commission. It was just a job but it was something to keep my mind off my broken heart. As I traveled from place to place, I ventured upon the idea that I would try to find myself. I wanted to learn to love me instead of loving everyone else around me.

That is when I met her. She was pale and small and didn’t say much at first. But, it was the eyes, they were dark and deep and I saw something there that I couldn’t explain. she was working at a diner as a waitress, not making very much money but neither was I. We would talk for long periods of time about how our jobs were less than what we had expected out of life and about tids and bits of everything else in life. It took several weeks of frequenting the diner before she even said hello to me, but when she warmed up, she never shut up. It was a beautiful banter, babbling sweet glossy lips made me feel all fluttery like a damn girl. Her hair was golden blonde and she had freckles sprinkled just across her nose. She was adorable, pale and very animated. But more than any other gorgeous feature she held, the eyes held me tighter. They gripped me there for way too long and even once, I was late for a meeting. Her name was Minerva and eventually she agreed to keep me company one night.

Just so happens, we managed to get some time together. She had requested a night off and agreed to take a ride with me . She insisted that I pick her up at the diner around 7 at night and that I must have her back, at least by the dawn. Her boss had pressed her about her schedule and told her she had to work the morning shift to cover her time off. She wasn’t too happy about it and she babbled on about how pissed she was. I just smiled at her from the driver’s seat until she smiled back at me. She warmed up quickly and before we had gone 30 miles, she was pressed against my shoulder caressing my thigh. I couldn’t believe the feelings that had welled up so suddenly. Was it possible for someone to fall in love so suddenly?

“Ok…ok…” I pulled my hand free and took the next dirt road to my right. I had no idea where this would lead us, but I really didn’t care.”I wanted her too.”
 
Driving and love making doesn’t mix so well. I grew hard beneath her roving fingers and my speaking grew stuttery. She teased me incessently. Saying I was such a nerd. I giggled like a girl and swerved into the other lane.
“M..M…Minerva, I can’t drive like this.” I said, casting a quick look at her peering lucious eyes. She just smiled
“Shhh.. what’s wrong. Can’t you handle it?” Minerva purred and tugged at my trousers.

“Listen, we should find a place to, you know, get comfortable. I can’t drive like this.” I looked desperately for some place to pull over. There hadn’t been any signs of rest stops or hotels for miles and I knew this stretch very well. There was nothing and would be nothing for awhile . I knew this was going to end up roadside. I looked for dirt roads, old buildings or anything I could find. All I could see was flat delta and fields. They flashed on either side of us creating a blurred brown ocean of earth. Minerva started to undo her blouse wiggling in her seat.

“Come on Stew, I want you.” Minerva pouted and flashed her beautiful dark eyes at me.  I melted.
The scenery abruptly changed with more trees flying by on either side of the car. I felt a little relief by the option of possible cover. I drove on, looking for the best option for our little adventure. We passed several run down houses and junkyards and Minerva removed her bra. Her beautiful full breasts bounced out and pressed against my arm. she grabbed one of my hands from the steering wheel and shoved it under her skirt. When my finger slide effortlessly inside her, I could take no more.
Minerva stood up on her knees and shoved her tongue in my ear. I pulled off the dirt road into a drive. I almost ran into a fence that was on her side of the car. I paid no attention to where we were. I put the car in park and took off my jacket.
Minerva started to pull my clothes free with one hand as she tugged down her skirt. “Stewie, do you love me?”

The words caught me off guard but I responded. “yes.”

Her face lighted up and I stared into her deep dark eyes. she licked her lips and kissed me passionately.

“Stewie, would you do anything for me?” Minerva spoke in gasps between kisses.

I furrowed my brow and wondered where this was going. I pulled her back and off of my mouth. I stared at her in question. “Where are you going with this?”

She looked truly hurt by my question and turned away. I saw her lips moving but couldn’t hear her words. “Stew, I am dying. I need your help.” She returned her gaze to mine and I saw tears welling up about to tip over the edge.

“Minerva, what’s wrong, why didn’t you tell me this? How can I help you, I am just a lowly salesman?” I grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face me squarly.

“I know a lot about you, Stewie. I know you have loved many times but I know something else as well.” She swallowed hard and bit her lip. “I know you have truly never been with another. You are rare, so rare in so many ways.” she exhaled and continued. “I think you truly love me, Stewie. You was going to lose your virginity to me, tonight.”

I released her and put my head in my hand. It was all too much. She had no way of knowing any of this about me. I stepped from the car and stood against the door, ignoring her. I was angry. She must have been talking to someone, somewhere but I had no clue how she could have found the information out. I was humiliated. I was a 28 year old virgin, how much more humiliating could anything else be. I heard the other door slam and looked around. Minerva stood on the other side of the car and leaned against the roof. She was paler than usual but her eyes sparkled with the tears she never shed.
 
Stewie, I love you too. I need you, Stewie.” Minerva pleaded.

It was the first time I noticed where we were. A gated cemetary introduced itself with its glowing white tombstones. Minerva’s golden hair blended with the pale stones. She waited for my next reaction.
 
I turned to face her and spoke. “How did you know all that, Minerva?”

She walked around the car and took my hand. I let her stand close to me, it seemed her spell was working again.

“Stew, I know many things, I am very different than most girls.” She smiled sweetly and giggled. Her naked breasts shone in the moonlight and made me feel really nice again.

“You wouldn’t believe anything I told you, Stewie, so why bother explaining.” She spoke and pulled my head down to hers. She was very petite but very strong. As her moist lips met my ear, she spoke.
“Just promise me that whatever happens, you will love me.” Minerva exhaled softly and spoke again.
 “I need this…I need you…you are special, like a cure for my sickness. I have looked for so very long and I am so tired, stewie.”


  I felt her lips touch my neck and that is the last sensation I felt until now.

I am driving, alone and without real reason.  Songs play, tears fall but I feel empty. I haven’t kept any appointments in days and I can’t think clearly. I remember a beautiful girl, one I loved. But she is gone now. I only remember how much I love her and that I saved her from death. I am dirty, covered in earth, blood and I have money in my pockets. I don’t know what this means. I look to the gauges and realize something is odd about them. The car has been slowing down and speeding up and I don’t know what’s wrong with it.

Now the car is slowing down again. I keep pushing my foot down and it won’t speed up. I look toward the horizon and frown. She told me things but I can’t seem to remember that either.
So many colors in the sky. The sun is rising. I remember, I miss the sun so badly.