Calvin, God's chosen coward

I am Calvin. I am a coward but God's chosen coward. Please read this...all of this. Please, disreguard my mistakes and forgive me. For if you are to be forgiven...you must first forgive your tresspassers. This is the dead's world now....the ressurected, that is...but no, this is God's world...so come...if you want to be in that number.

The first days rememberance

The first one I saw was Thurman, my next door neighbor, the silent shizophrenic. I remember the shock I felt at how animated he had become. You know its bad when being more human is cause for alarm; considering his meds were apparently no longer working. I walked toward him a bit because I knew a little about his mental disorder and I wanted to help. God says to help those in need, right. Funny how things change when the situation gets more serious. And boy, did it get real.  I called out to him only to witness an issue of blood pour from his lips. I thought that maybe his condition was worse than what I was previously thinking but was stopped in my tracks by his next move. He started to run toward me. I saw the blood in his palms and so I gasped at his strange stigmata.

 Soon after, he was chasing me back into my house all the while I am pleading for him to calm down...but he didn't calm down. I bullied into my own house and slammed the door shut. There the old farmer proceeded to wayla the back door with his swollen fists. I watched from the little windows in the door because I wanted to try and talk some sense into the old man.  While pounding the wood of my rather time rotted barrier; he turned to the shufflings of Mrs. Thruman, who drug her bloody grandaughter by the hair. I couldn't help but be drawn to the horror of the sight and was soon entertained by yet a third, rather short 'madman'. The Thurman's grandaughter climbed up to peer inside the window. She grunted and squealed like a stuck pig when she saw my face. Her pale eyes bore into mine. Her loud sounds and her devil stare are what made me pull the blinds and sink to the floor in defeat.

It really was happening wasn't it?

And having glass in the doors is not very wise when something of this nature happens. We never really thought about the doors being of that much importance in the countryside... none of us did. That is how so many of the others lost their lives. The neighbors were friendly for the most part and old Thurman usually took his meds and tended his garden. But now things were different, things had changed and the realization of the situation hit me when the glass in the three little windows of the door shattered by three fists.  As I slid across the kitchen floor, my mind ran with 'what to do next'. I had no idea about anything except the basic natural instinct that told me to flee the situation at hand.
And so I jumped up and ran to the other room but don't remember which room it was. I had to assess my situation while searching for my car keys. I always had the urge to flee the scene. When the tornados came, I didn't hunker down, I got in the car and drove away like a lunatic. Which, I might add, was the WRONG thing to do. Fate would smile upon me and I would live through those incidences. And again, faithful fate smiled upon me and I drove away. In the distance, I saw Thurman's dog tear into Mrs. Crabtree's cat. My heart nearly jumped from my chest. I remember the first day as if it just happend because the first time is special like that. All first times are special even when they chill you to the bone.

Who was I kidding, I couldn't save them...heck, I hoped that I could just get away.

This is the way i thought ...but you see, I was the one who would be saved...eventually. This is what mother always said...but mother was dead. Would I see mother too?

...............

A week more

I came back and I don't know why. I guess there is no place like home. Who do I kid, the town was overrun with them...the crazies...the creepers. They were not really slow either, not like in the movies...the creepy movies. If they still had both legs, they were coming. If they still had both arms, they were grabbing. And if they still had their teeth, you were fucked...maybe you were fucked if they didn't. They weren't that fast, no...but they weren't that slow either...but they were just creepers to me then..plain and simple. I had no respect for thier human souls. Things had gone downhill and the selfish human in me had taken over.

 I watched it happen over and over while I was hunkered up inside the drug store. While watching them eat, I stole things that I thought I might need. I watched the Gun shop across the street and realized that I may be in the wrong store. But I had no weapons except a bat and I was scared shitless. And you can take that literally, no one could even let their guard down enough to do what nature called for. I realized that I had to move pretty soon or I was signing my death warrant. It was not until I grew so hungry that I made a run for it.

I know it is wrong and we all do wrong things, right? I could have saved them...the pretty lady with the boyfriend, brother...or whoever he was. But, thing is, I had to move and waited until the things had sunk their teeth into the pair before making a run for it. I looked through the glass of the store window and surveyed my surroundings. The girls screams were horrible but it wasn't my first show. I had been watching this happen for quite some time...why? Because I was a fucking coward...but I wanted to live. Because I didn't want to listen to my mother when she said to help the needy and to be brave. I didn't believe my mother when she said that God would be with me in adversity. I was losing my religion then. But I didn't know it...I was God's chosen coward. I watched the zombies feed with greed and loathing flowing throughout me then I made my run for it. All zombies occupied...and....GO!

fore, you can run from God but you cannot hide...

I guess I was smart enough so, ignoring my stomach pains and running straight for that gunshop. I don't remember ever running so fast in all my life; and still I felt a hand grab my shoulder. Pure instinct turned me just in time to plant a foot in its abdomen and sent it flopping to the ground. No mother, I did not turn the other cheek this time. I knew not whether it was male or female. I just rammed my shoulder into the doors of the shop. And it was open...unlocked...void of all human occupancies. I stopped suddenly in my tracks and backed up against the door I had just came through. Looking around, I saw nothing of eminent danger. But there were still guns. Bad thing was...I was limited on how to use them. I knew that the owner probably kept one loaded somewhere behind the desk, so I opted for that route. And I was correct. I grabbed the gun and returned to the door. As before, I waited on lunch to arrive for my demon friends; and that is when I made my run for my car. I was going home....and home was where the heart was...hearts, lungs and livers...flesh...bone and blood. Home wasn't home anymore but it was the best thing I had.

I have prepared a place for you...

..........

Two weeks

The cats and dogs were not very nice either. I don't think there are anymore left that would appreciate a nice scratch behind the ear. And they were the creepiest of all..the pets were. I am reminded of Pet Cemetary while watching those vermin cross the yard. And there are lots of dead things out there, not just the animals. I saw my neighbors, I saw strangers and then I saw something that I'd rather forget. I saw my aunt...aunt Margaret. Maybe the pets were not the worst of all. I guess this was just something that I knew would happen. It was only a matter of time before I saw relatives. When it all went down, I didn't call anyone because, since it all went down...I have become a much more selfish bastard. So, I guess it was just a matter of time before uncles and aunts and cousins started to wander upon the porch. Thing is...my aunt had been dead for 5 years now.

Apparently, the dead were exhuming themselves. Everywhere, people were reunited with long lost loved ones. How sweet...

The dead will rise and they shall be reunited

.........

Three weeks

I didn't have much food left either. The bottled water was gone, most of the canned meats were gone as well but I still had a pretty ample amount of fruit and vegetables in my cabinet. They would last a little while, at least.

 When Thurman attacked, I took my excursion to town and then came back again; I then had eaten the meat from the freezer. The electricity was still on and it made for an easy way to go...cooking, bathing and the like. The whole situation wasn't that bad considering I had my television, my stereo and an xbox. I still had plenty of hygenic products and basically everything I needed to live the way that I already lived.

 But something happened. The television stations were quikly escalating to violence and panick the nation over and after a couple weeks...there was mostly white noise. Not long afterwards during a rather hot and sweltering night; the power died for good. The next amenity to go was the water...that's when things grew serious.

And I became lonely too. I never realized how lonely the single life was until I had no electronic entertainment. And since I was so 'shallow', as others have said many times over, I had no books to read. Except of course for the bible that my mother had given me. But I didn't want to read that...it always gave me false hope and made me angry.  Yes, many times, women had judged me for the basic fact that I did not have a bookshelf...which I did not. Not many women wanted to read the bible on a nice visit to my place.

 So, all I was left with was the creepers outside. I spent hours of my day just watching them walk around my yard. They could smell me and they waited. I watched them change from day to day...further disentigrating and decomposing until one after the other...a leg broke or something of the like and they fell down to crawling. I watched them crawl too, fingers shredding into mothing but nubs, hair falling from shining skulls in clumps of flesh. I watched the scene with a morbid curiosity and wondering if my life was any better than their afterlife. Maybe there was no hope for me. Maybe thiers was my destiny. When I realized what I was thinking, I shook my head and pulled away from the gap in the boards.

Maybe I should read my bible...the thought was fleeting.

"I must be going mad...finally, I must be losing my senses."

I said this to no one at all and my voice sounded odd. I realized that for months, I hadn't realy spoken all that much...and why, there was no one to talk to.

"Hello...hello..."

I spoke again just to hear my voice and then I chuckled.

"so, now what do I do?"

I wandered back over to the gap in the boards that served as my peep hole. With nothing more to do , I peered back through the small openeing. As soon as I looked out, something was looking in. A rotted eye stared into mine as I drew back instinctively. Slowly, I looked out again and saw three creepers had gathered on the porch and were fighting over who would look through the opening. I had drawn their attention with my voice. I had no idea that those things could still hear...or was it simply that they could feel the vibrations of my voice like a bat's sonar or something. I decided to not look out anymore and draped the nearest cloth over the peep hole.
So I would take another nap. What else was I supposed to do?

...............

My dreams were terrible. I saw the little girl again, in my nightmares...Thurman's granddaughter. But this time, she could talk. Her rotten tongue wagged behind her blue lips and she spoke.

"you should be with us...Calvin. You should come outside and play."

She drew near to my peep hole and I could see the gore in her golden hair. Her eyes started to clear a bit and then she changed. She grew taller and taller and then she began to age. Her face took on familiar features until I realized that I was staring at my aunt Margaret. She smiled sweetly and pressed her face against the opening in the window.

"Calvin dear, why didn't you come to see me. You never brought me flowers."

I woke in a sweat and realized that the creepers were scratching an pounding on the outter walls of the house. I realized that I must have been screaming in my sleep. I had alerted every creeper in the neighborhood that I was still fresh and tasty. I just rang the dinner bell. It took several hours for the things to give up and wander off the porch again.

...............

One month

I was so unbearably lonely. Things were looking different to me. The heat was slowly cooking my living brains. I had no idea how much I could take. Mabye I should pull free a few boards to get some air. I was drinking my own piss until I had very little urine to drink anymore. I know it is disgusting but you would be surprised at what a person would do who wished to live.

Take of this flesh and you shall have new life....this flesh...

..............

I almost got bitten if not for my quick retrieval. I reached outside the window but the rain just seemed so inviting and I was so unbearably thirsty. I wanted to touch the water, I wanted to feel the life....I was so fucking thirsty...I was dying. I pulled a board free as well and held a pot out under the rain. I ran to get another pot and dropped it upon the ground just below the window sill. I didn't know exactly how I would retrieve it but I would find a way. I never really saw the creeper until he was almost upon me. I didn't get bitten, but I sure cut the fuck outta my arm. Later, I managed to hang out the window and pull in my pot full of rainwater. Still didn't get bitten but got some hair pulled out my a little one armed bitch with no face. But I had water....just a little...but I had water.

baptised....reborn

............

I don't want to do it anymore. There is nothing more to talk about. I have nothing but stale cereal and dried noddles and I am not going back out there. No way, no how....I will not risk being bitten by one of those things.

After the dry goods disappeared, I started eating carboard from wherever I could find it. There was still a little water from my rainwater pot but for the most part....I was dying.

yea tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...I shall fear no evil...

...........

I saw God in my dreams and he said to go forth. His face was beautiful as the face I had seen in my childhood bible stories. I saw my mother standing beside me with her hand on my head. She told me to listen to my lessons...do as God says...and be safe...always be safe. I remember my mother saying that I was stay away from the bad people, I was to take care of myself because I was clean and untainted. I heard her voice inside my head.

"wait upon the lord."

And there was God again as he raised the dead from their graves. They shambled toward their lord and took of his flesh and his blood. He smiled down at them as they feasted. The dead grew full and healthy again and the lame begin to walk. God healed himself and was whole.

"Calvin, come.....I have gifts for you in heaven."

.........

I am leaving this for you to read...if you can read at all. This is the true account of God's chosen coward...or maybe I was a fighter afterall. I have survived this far on my own and with my own devices. I am going oustide today...for the first time in months...for the first time since my run into the town. I am not going to fight anymore...as if I ever really had any fight in me at all. God said to go forth and I know what he means. I shall help the others...I shall feed the needy. And with this...I shall save my soul. Besides, I have no one...I never did...no one but you, God.

The dead have risen...they have been called forth. I want to be in that number.

Calvin, god's chosen coward.