that phantom

I went there, as I wanted...as I hoped and dreamed that I would. I did not know where you were but I closed my eyes and I saw your location. I saw you there alone looking out across the water and wondering If I would come. YOu think me some supernatural thing that would know where you are and know what you want. So, I waited for some indication of where you were and my mind showed me the way. Down a path, through a feild and onto another darker passage until the way opened up wide and emptied into the water. I smelled you there...your intensity was so strong that I was almost afraid of you but I walked ahead. I came to your make location for the night and wandered round to greet you...but you could not see me for I was a thing of dreams...whispy and unreal to your human eyes. I watched you turn because you felt something. Perhaps you felt the chill upon your back or maybe you hear my steps made solid for a moment because of my strong will to be with you. I don't know why you turned to me but you did turn to me and you smiled. I watched your face as your smile turned to a frown and then you turned back toward the water. I loved the water too and so I walked out into its depths. I barely felt the weight of its liquid form as it curled and wrapped around my legs. It was not cold to me because for the moment , I was not real at all. I was still watching from my mind, those things that I wished for.
But I grew sad suddenly...because I did not know if I was truly welcome. The riddles you made were not simple for me to understand. I was frightened because I could not break the binds of things and I could not move toward you with abandon. I was not like the others who took their steps wrecklessly and hoped that all would fare well with them. I was not like the others, the ghostly things that haunted the objects of their desires, because I stepped upon the earth of my desires with caution and trepidation. I waited in the edge of the water for a sign to turn and look toward your face and then I saw the moon overhead reflected on the surface of the depths of my watery friend...and I saw your reflection in the water as well. I felt something close to me that was warm which radiated throughout me from behind. I turned and it was you...standing right behind me with your eyes closed. I heard you sigh and bring your hands up as if to touch the starry sky and the moon. Your face was interesting in its tranquility and your drunkeness was beautiful. I watched and fancied that you could feel me and then I moved back a little and waited. I saw your lips move and my curiosity grew stronger. Leaning in closer I heard you speak softly into the air. I touched a phamtom finger to your head and tried to speak without words. I wanted you to go back ashore, I wanted your safety....I wanted only the best for you. I willed it so strongly that your eyes opened and you grimaced. For some strange reason, you grumbled underneath your breath and turned back toward the shore. I followed you while humming a tune. I found it hilarious that i could be here without your knowledge, without your scrutinizing.
You sat back down and opened a beer. I went to my knees in front of you lightly placing my hands upon your knees. Your eyes were beautiful and so alive with pain...pain and confusion but I wasn't sure why. Like I said...some riddles are beyond me because I never fancied myself as something of desire...something of value. I was saddened by those thoughts and I realized that it was time to go.
Maybe, someday...when all was right, when the planets were aligned....when my heart was more whole...I would reveal myself to you. But not now, you are not ready and the pain is still so new.