I-Man

“I do not feel guilty; I know it wasn’t my fault.”

“Yeah–I know.” I stared at her blankly as she folded her clothes and lay them in a neat pile on the floor.

I was lieing to her. Darren had been dead for a month now and the incident was still fresh in my heart. I could still remember those nights she called me for help.

“Rani–don’t you feel a little remorse for cheating on him?” I asked sullenly.

She stopped folding her shirt and looked at me. “Lei–I was good to him and you know it. Besides he was cheating on my from the beginning and he hit me…alot. You know, I never thought he would do it.” she looked wounded as her eyes pleaded with me. they neglected shirt lie prone on the floor with one sleeve stretched out. It was a pleading reaching arm begging for forgiveness–It looked like her. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes as she slumped. But the tears were not for him–they were for my acceptance.

“I tried to stop him. The first two times I succeeded, but he waited until I was gone an…”

The tear fell onto her collar as she wiped her cheek. “I…I …cant go on thinking about this, Lei.”
Rising from the edge of her bed, I paced the floor. I could not bear the thought of her leaving without closure to all of this. she needed to feel for him. It just wasn’t fair to Darren. In a month’s time she had barely cried.

“Rani…I now it is painful, but you must deal with your feelings for Darren–I know you loved him. He cared so much for you and here you are shaking your booty for a dollar. How can you do this? What would Darren say?”

“You know what, Darren can’t say anything–he is DEAD!” With one swift motion, she threw her remaining clothes onto the floor. Raising up onto the balls of her feet, she growled. Turning to face me, she placed her hands firmly on her hips. “Lei, you dont have to worry about me. I will be fine. I have a job, my own apartment and friends. Yes, I loved Darren, but I can’t grieve for him forever.”
Stunned by her harsh tone, I could only stare., I could feel the words pushing up through my esophogus and I knew I could’nt hold them down. Gritting my teeth, I looked at the floor. “Rani–you never grieved for Darren! When they told you he was dead, you just sit there and stared. Then the next day you were laughing like nothing ever happened. What kind of love is that?”

“You tell me, Lei. Your the one who is still grieving. Is that it; did you want him?” Rani’s eyes grew large and she shook her head in disgust. You have no right to tell me how I should feel. You know nothing of love.

The statement cut right through me. I never knew that we would ever fight like this. It felt surreal. As my mind searched for retalitation, my heart sank.  Moments passed with not sound; only the click of the central air system as it came to life. Her breathing was angry and erratic. After minutes of staring at the floor, the thickness of the air cleared. Slowly anger melted into compassion and our friendship surpassed the hurt.

“Lei, Im sorry. Can you just give me some time to be grieve the way I know how?” She opened her palms smiling. Ah! such a welcome gesture it was. I could feel the ice she had encased around my heart begin to melt.

“It is ok. I guess I overstepped my boundaries again.”

Rani walked toward me and eveloped me in her arms. Stiffly, I returned her embrace. “Rani–” I whispered into her ear as she nuzzled my neck.

 She stopped and looked into my eyes. Her hands gathered my long auburn hair and pulled it to the back of my head. She smiled. “What is it?”

“You know he will be back soon, dont you?”

Confused she sighed and crinkled her forehead. “Who…what do you mean?”

 I leaned in once more caressing her back. My lips grazed her earlobe intimately as I spoke softly.
“Darren–he will come for you.” Smiling, I kissed her cheek.