Driven

The leg, the foot and the left side.
 

General William was ready. As he buttoned up his jacket, he thought about Elizabeth. her sobs wafted in from the bedroom and landed upon his ear. She didn’t want him to go but she knew it was his job. Problem is, she didn’t think he would return to her. The general smiled at such a notion then his heart sank at that same notion. What if he didn’t come back?

Patricia was coming, already just over the ridge and would take care of Elizabeth for him. He knew Patricia was a good colored woman and wouldn’t let his wife ‘do bad things’ this time. Those women could only be trusted with some things and that is why Lavinia and two other old negros would help her. They could all keep an eye on each other. William chuckled at the thought and the silly visual he was having. What a sight that would be.

He was afraid, he was. His hands trembled as he pulled on his gloves and tightened his belt. He knew the bloodbath that had become his beloved south and he understood the stakes in this battle. What a strange notion, abolishing slavery, he still didn’t understand the whole idea.

William glanced in the mirror once more and ran his hands down the gray jacket. His hands shook. What was he really doing, was there any point to this? He reached up and ran another hand over his mustache and grunted.

“Well, I reckon I should be going.” he said to no one in particular. William glanced to the bedroom and decided to pay one more visit to Elizabeth before he rode away.

Elizabeth lay in bed with her head pressed into a white feather pillow. Her beautiful gown was crumpled in her right hand serving as her handkerchief.William winced at the mess his wife was in. Her blond curls were frizzed and tangled and her face was pale. Elizabeth was getting worse.

“Elizabeth, honey, come here.” William sat on the corner of the bed and pulled his wife from her pitiful nest. A large gasp followed by more tortured sobs came from her open mouth. William grasped her head and turned it toward him. Her eyes were shut tight, head was shaking. Elizabeth drew her baby blue gown to her mouth and wept.

“Listen here, girl…you know I have to be going.”

William started, “Patricia is almost here, she will help you with the baby. Where is that Lavinia?”

William glanced toward the hallway. The slave girl should have been walking by with linens or pillows or something, busying herself. Something was suddenly odd.

“Elizabeth, where is Lavinia?” William shook Elizabeth lightly and waited for her reply. Elizabeth’s swollen eyes opened and she stared at William.

“I sent her away William. She was putting that native stuff all around my room. There’s this one doll, over there by the closet, the one with the striped arms and blond hair. It scares me William. I tell you, those girls are trouble.” Elizabeth’s eyes grew wide in fear at the thought of her own words. She shrugged free from William’s hands and sat upright in bed.

“Elizabeth, you need those girls here with you until I return.” William exhaled heavily, “I must be going now, I will tell Patricia to fetch Lavinia and a couple more young ones from over at Earnest’s place.”

William rose from Elizabeth’s bedside and pulled his belt into place. His eyes met his wife’s swollen baby blues and he swallowed the lump in his throat. No matter how hard he tried, he knew she could see his fear. She knew him, like no other woman had, she felt his dread.

“William, come back to me..” Elizabeth spoke as another tear trailed down her cheek. “I am afraid of these people here, I am afraid of those damned dolls and I am just afraid of this place.”

William couldn’t understand his wife’s depression. He could only comfort her. And after he was gone, she had only the good lord and those colored girls to look after her. William looked toward the door and then back to his wife. He was torn between his duty and his …duty. What more could he do but walk away. His boot heels made a dull thud as he went toward the door. Elizabeth’s sobs became muffled as she fell face first into her pillow.

“I love you dear.” William spoke, touching his hat and then left the room.

…………….

“Suppose Mrs. Lizbeth seen you doin nat..” Patricia snatched the doll from Lavinia’s hand and smacked her across the face.

Lavinia grit her teeth and stood taller. “I aint no slave
 o yaws. Don be hittin me like that.” lavinia’s chest heaved and she snatched the doll back from her elder.

“Listen Lavinia, I tell you, theyz don understand our ways, you an me.” Patricia pointed to Lavinia and then to herself. Her anger had mounted. Just as she was about to explain her point further, she saw William walking toward them. He was obviously upset and about to be on his way.

“You go up there and talk to Elizabeth, I don’t need her working herself up any more than she is now. You hear, go!” William spoke as he walked toward the door. “And, remember what I told you about the work around here. Elizabeth is not to lift a finger.”

And that was all he said, and he was gone. Lavinia made a face and caressed her little doll’s matted hair. “Mean ole white man.”

………….

Elizabeth was screaming. Not minutes after William had mounted his horse and head out over the hill, did she let out her wailing. She was up, running to the bowl by the window and splashing water in her face. “OOOOh my William, lord have mercy on me” She wheezed and gasped for air then fell in the floor by the table.

Patricia ran to her side and stroked her face. “Mrs. Elizabeth, come on now….shhhh”

Lavinia stood in the doorway and stroked her doll. Her round brown face was stricken in fear.

“I can’t take it Patricia, don’t leave me.” Elizabeth cried and pulled the slave woman’s dress sleeve. She just wanted to find a place to hide. Anything would work at the moment.

“Listen honey, you got to be strong. Ms. Betty and Nona is watching the baby. You just need to come on downstairs and see your little Margaret.” Patricia smiled and wiped Elizabeth’s forehead with a dish cloth. Elizabeth’s eyes suddenly went vacant. Her sobs quieted.

“I need some privacy, Patricia.” Elizabeth looked at the woman and dropped her gaze. “I have to do my personal business, if you know what I mean.”

Patricia laughed before she could contain it. “That’s right, You just start with the little things then. I will help you souz you don fall down.”

“No..no…I want to be alone. You shouldn’t have to do those things in the company of other women and I won’t do my business in front of no….I mean, I don’t need any help.” Elizabeth sucked up the remainder of her tears and started to stand. Her legs wobbled underneath her and her tangled curls fell into her face.

Patricia stood back obviously hurt by her ladies intended insult. “Fine then, You jus go on and do your ‘business’. I will wait jus here.”

…………..

Elizabeth pulled up her long ruffled sleeve and glanced at her arm. The lines were barely visible.
Her husband’s straight razor came down and pushed against the soft flesh of her forearm. Elizabeth winced as she drug the blade across her skin. Fine beads of crimson blood welled up and streamed across her arm. Her heart raced. She giggled hysterically.
Elizabeth chunked the razor into the sink and then the door opened.

“Mrs. Elizabeth, I knew youz up to that again. I heard that funny laugh youz be doin. Oh dear…”

………………

Two weeks later

Lavinia shoved the pin into the shaggy haired doll and smiled.

“You bad ole man. Iz told you not to talk to me like that. The blue cavalry is going to get youz and Iz gonna be free!”

The second pin sent into his foot and the third pin hung pendulously between Lavinia’s fingers.

“Now what ya gonna do, Mr. white man?”

Lavinia turned the pin around in between her fingers and brought it just over the doll’s heart. A loud bang  sounded through the house and she shoved the pin just inches from the x, the man doll’s heart place. “Well damned be to hell, whats goin on in this place.”

“LAVINIA!!! I need you to come here, girl. What you doin in there anyhow?”

Lavinia took the doll and tucked it away underneath an old quilt. She was so tired of that woman always yellin at her. Maybe someday when theyz all free, she would make a doll for patricia.

…………

Two weeks later

She had looked everywhere and she couldn’t find the doll. Her head felt dizzy and her stomach churned. Lavinia knew she was in deep trouble if Mrs. Elizabeth found that thing. She was already spooked about the ‘native stuff’. Lavinia just played around anyway. Nothing more than some silly stuff her cousin told her. When she made the doll, she didn’t think it would work.

When news came of William’s death and how it happened, Lavinia fainted. She didn’t care about that ole white man, in fact, she hated him. But lord knows she didn’t know how to kill him.

She saw right where that pin went. The leg, the foot and the left side of the doll’s chest. Mr. William had been killed by a giant ball, they come outta that cannon and hit him…leg, then foot and then the left chest. Oh lord, Lavinia thought.

She dug further into the old chest, pulling up quilts
and afghans, throwing aside old bonnets…but nothing.

“Are you looking for this?”

Lavinia turned to see Mrs. Elizabeth standing in the doorway of the slave girl’s room. The white ladies arms were a pattern of slashes and scars. The doll with the gray jacket and pin through leg and foot dangled in Mrs. Elizabeth’s hand. A red blotch covered the place where the x went. Elizabeth was fuming and sobbing at the same time, other hand holding onto William’s straight razor.
Two men came to stand behind the distraught white lady. They held ropes and mean faces. Lavinia rubbed the quilt she held tightly in her hand. She barely felt the pin prick in her thumb. She looked down in shock and saw the pin…the red tipped one she had drove into Mr. Williams chest. The one that killed that ole white man.