Sacrifices

The fear was crippling. It gripped her and brought her back to reality and reality was not where Penelope longed to be. She knew in her heart that she wasn’t meant for this time and age. She knew that somewhere and somehow, her people were meant to be free. A freedom where colored folk weren’t colored folk at all–they were just folk like the rest.

When he put himself inside her, she would think about how good it was living in the big house. Penelope was just what her master wanted so that she got the nice food, the nice clothes and then sometimes a nice word; if she behaved. Her mind seemed to transition to a place that made her something other than African American but not quite white. No, Penelope didn’t have all the privilages but she could pass and the master liked her alot. She was in the best place, in her opinion, that any colored could be in.

Master only asked her to do it occasionally; so what did it hurt? It wasn’t as if he asked her to do it on a regular basis. Penelope was special to master and when she did it right; he let her stay with him for weeks on end, in the big house. Penelope learned to swallow it and move on and yes, she knew she was a sell out but life was like that. She felt the baby kick and it reassured her that she was doing the right thing. Penelope smiled and rubbed her belly thinking of her beautiful child inside her. Nothing would take that from her…not even her own people could take the miracle. she swallowed the huge lump in her throat and tried to steady her nerves. Tonight, she would have to do it again. She was so nervous that her hands shook in convulsions but Penelope clasped them together and said the lord’s prayer. Yes, the lord understood her. Her knew the life she had to protect as a mother. He understood…surely he understood.

Penelope stood beneathe the tree with the the whip in her hand. She thought about the coaching she had given herself at the ranch house, she thought about her baby which kicked her now suddenly and she stared up at her cousin who sat upon the restless horse staring at her with tears in his eyes. Penelope turned from him and stared at the beautiful sunset. This was the most beautiful sunset she had ever seen in her given life. As a calm reserve passed over her; she rubbed her belly and struck the horses ass.