Death beyond the wall

It was a wasteland. I gazed through the rectangular whole at the things of the world which lay beyond. I could no longer see death who had became my savior. The bricks that surrounded the
gaping maw, were cold and laced round with old mortar. It was mortar that had been placed there from before...twice again. This time the material crumbled when I touched its surface.

"sollte ich den Wiederaufbau der Mauer?" She whispered quietly back into me.

Around the open whole, only three bricks away was another...and then another wide gap in my firmament. There were several peices missing to my fortified puzzle. I knew where they were, they
lay in death's pocket. My breathing grew rapid as I searched first one opening then the next.
Only the day before had I seen him, his long black robe brushed the earth with this happenings. He looked right through me as he passed  by my wall. I reached out to touch the hem of his
garment and I felt the loose bricks clunking together within his cloak of black. He felt me grasp him and so he looked down with his deep pit sockets of despair. I swear i saw death smile at
me. His mind touch the edge of my own consiousness then he passed on through the countryside and back into his own existence. I stood with arms thrust through my own openings and wept for his
departure. I sunk and hung loosely from the wall.

"Bitte, lass mich nicht hier ohne Antwort." The thing cried within

It was not long that I stood there waiting for death. I felt the urge to run away into the darkness behind me. I pulled myself free from my entrapment and bolted into the midnight dusk of the
forest of my home. There were rambling and tangling vines that grasped me, pulling me down. I struggled at first finding my footing again over and over. But then it was time to rest and so I
lay down among the brambles of my heart. It was there I found my pen and writing pad. So I wrote a letter to my dear friends. I wished to tell them what I planned to do and yet, I wished to
give them comfort of time that had to decide when I would take my leave.

Dear ones,

shhh, do not worry. Rehearsal time is not yet  been established. Death is gone for now and but I expect him to return. I'm still wild in search of my burial clothes and the table but still
set ... No one has come to dinner. When the time comes, do not fret. Do not think it a long time that when I have left. For this world is an illusion and I long to know the truth. I want to
be with my death, beautiful ...and often rehearsed with every detail having love's pure rejection sharpened...honed to the task of eliminating me. I want each breath before my last to be iced
with sweet torment. And I want you to stand over me and whisper softley ...."Ich werde dich dort treffen".

What is life for? What is the point of all this suffering, this hatred and this endurance that was dissatisfied? Bricks are missing in my wall and the air is unforgiving that I feel sending
shocks through the empty parts of my soul. I just want to sleep because I can not sleep any more among the living. I hunger, I long, and I avoid the light. I hate this horrrible torment
Sometimes love is not enough, hurts my heart. I long to know the end, the whole damn reason I breathe at all. Why feels my flesh, why my heart is breaking and why my eyes will not sleep.

My dear ones, I lay among my defeat and welcome the crumbling peices to cradle me until I feel no more. For I am one with this world, this putrid deep deep forest. I have traveled here time
and time again between my dreams. The nectar of rejection knows its home in my heart. I smile...I smile as the door opens and my black heart comes back in to me...alone. I smile and wrap my
arms around my emptiness and I say...welcome home, my love.

He will come soon, I feel the clouds starring down at me here. My blood fears what he shall do. But death promised to always be a friend to me, you must understand. I cannot stay here
forever, safe within my own trappings. I shall have to face the coming ceremony, the feast and the reaping. I shall see death again, he never really stays away for long.

you true demon
s