Little sister

The last time I saw you, you were slipping through the rubbage in that back alley behind O'hallahans. I knew it was you because I saw your face before you darted away. The light of the moon along with the street lights highlighted your sunken cheeks and palid skin...I caught a glimpse then you were gone.
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 You were born seven years after me. I remember that it was in the late fall and most of the leaves had turned-some had fallen away. I know that I was bored and waiting for momma to come back home with you, making everything go back to normal. Our aunt was there with me and she read some of my books hoping to get me to go to sleep. I couldn't sleep though because I was excited to see my new baby sister. I have to admit that I was a little jealous and really wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I was a kid and there is really no good answer for how I felt at that time. Besides, it is kind of hard to remember. I do remember that I wanted to call you "Pinto Bean" but mother said that was not a very nice name to give you. They all decided to call you Carmen and that was fine by me...considering the name I wanted to give you,had been rejected.
 When they came home with you, you had the darkest eyes and hair to match. To be honest, you didn't really look like a real girl at all. Your eyes were so big and beady and your skin was so pale. Father explained that mother had lost a lot of blood when she had you and that you were very sick as well. They say momma almost died bringing you into the world. I am sure I would have hated you if that had happened. But I cannot say that I hated you for anything more than I hate you now...because I do hate you...I hate you for what you have become. Not that becoming something other than human is evil and I should hate you...I just hate you because you were always destined to change into this thing. It was as if you were born for this purpose and none other. I saw the seeds of this when you were just a child.
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 I heard the first rappings at the back door right before midnight. I just assumed it was a neighborhood animal rummaging in the garbage. It wouldn't have been a problem if I had accepted the fact that cats made very big noises, because they didn't do this. Whatever was moving about at my backyard was much bigger than a cat. As I walked down the hall toward the kitchen, I was terrified. I wasn't so much terrified by the fact that you were a monster. I was just terrified by the fact that I could not help you...that I would not help you. When I peered around the corner and saw you standing on the other side of the screen door, I was heartbroken. I remember your smile...blue tinged and dry. I remember your eyes..sunken and roving...but most of all, I remember what you said and I hate you for that too.
 "Hey you, let your sister inside will ya. It's fucking cold out here."
 You smiled even bigger and winked. You used the same wink you used when you were hiding something from our parents and you wanted me in on the joke. I stood there for a long time and wept before turning away from you and leaving you to curse me as the night grew long and wide.