little sister 2

"What is death?"

I looked at you and was surprised by  your  curiosity at such a young age. You tapped little fingers on your thighs and waited for me to answer.

"Do you hear me, bubba...what is death?"

I gathered a make shift thought and threw it out at you dismissively. "Oh, death is just when we stop working..you know, like a broken thing."

You frowned, as you always did, because you never really liked the answers I gave you and you sure didn't like this one either.

"But I thought death was a metamorphosis. I think we change into something....more." Your little black eyes grew large and you smiled with contentment. Oh, how you seemed so pleased with yourself and the fact that you had stolen some 'big word' from television again. I laughed and beckoned you to join me in watching another horror movie.
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Carmen was good company. when things were less than perfect and parents were less than Stepford material, Carmen was still Carmen. She loved to ask questions about things that were less than desirable. She never asked about the flowers or the rain...Carmen wanted to know how embalming worked. She wanted to know how Dracula digested his meals and she wanted to talk to the things that I didn't see that she saw lurking in the corners of my room. I couldn't help but be strangely enamored by my sister. She just wasn't normal and that was okay for me. It was fresh and new...it added something more to the mundane life we both lived with our overbearing parents.
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 When you came out of your room with Uncle Ted...over and over and over again...I also didn't think much about that. After all, you were so smart that I believed  you to be teaching him a thing or two about that crazy childhood intellect you had. I always laughed when he opened your door and stepped out smiling. I never noticed then how much more pale you were and how your hair was disheveled. There were so many things that went unnoticed about you because when you spoke...the other things paled in comparison, as well.

 I didn't notice these things about  you until it was too late and you had tried to kill uncle Ted. I would ask you what was wrong and you would say nothing...that you felt fine. I wasn't old enough to know that fine was never just fine with the female species and so I never pushed it.

 The day came when you just stood in the rain with blood covering your hands and your little dress. I saw you when the school bus came up the hill; I think the others saw you too because some of the kids stood and starred out the window. When I got off the bus, you ran and sobbed loudly in my arms. I ignored the yelling bus driver and the screaming from within the house. We ran to my hiding place a couple streets down and we just sat there and waited.

 I cannot say that I blame you for  that hurting that filthy bastard. Too bad he didn't die on the way to the hospital. It was quite a while before they found us. You had fallen asleep when father found us and discovered my hiding place in the alley.
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Years and years later, when Carmen would grow up...she would frequent that alleyway and just stand there looking lost and forlorn. She remembered the past sometimes and it turned her into a stir crazy wounded beast.

Carmen fixed things sometimes...like she fixed Uncle Ted's problem. They all hated Carmen for that. I could see it in their eyes, the astonishment and the horror. But...I didn't hate Carmen for that. She was destined to be hated by me at a much older age. I had no way to escape my impending hatred for her. But for that time being, I grieved for her innocence. I grieved and grieved until she said to stop....and she did..

"Stop this, you look at me funny and I hate it." Then she would weep and run from my room.
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"You know, you have to take care of it, Malcolm." Nathan spoke very close to my ear as I looked out upon the park from our higher vantage point.

 Nathan and I shared an apartment while working at the Insurance Company. He and I had many things in common including Horror movies and researching the paranormal. An experience in Nathan's younger life had brought an understanding between us when he found out about you. I never meant to tell him about you, Carmen...it just happened in a drunken stupor.

I looked at him for a moment then kept scanning the trees for any telltale signs of disturbance. I had been up all night watching for you. "I...I can't do that, Nate."

Nathan slammed a book down upon the table and flipped through the first pages. He stopped at a page with a picture of some winged creature. "Do you see this?" He pointed at the creature then looked up at me. "This is all she will ever be. YOu cannot change her back...do you understand?"
I starred into his eyes and frowned. "You do not understand, my friend."

Nathan picked up the book and flung it into the wall. He was suddenly furious. "I cannot deal with you. You are pathetic, Malcolm! Those things killed my family! They made Carmen the way she is and you are a quivering mass of yellow cowardiss. I am done with you!"

I was still sitting in the same spot hours after Nate had left. I was still starring out the window at the city park below me. It was an hour later before I saw you...feeding in a tree top. I still couldn't stop watching. I couldn't turn away...I couldn't walk away. I couldn't kill you either.

And the worst thing I had to face in my soul was the fact that I wouldn't help you.