little sister 3

Give me a reason not to kill you, Carmen.

 I wake every morning and realize that you are falling asleep in some cold dark tomb somewhere in the city. YOu will not leave and I wish that you would. I wish that you would leave and take our memory with you. I need no explainations from you, I need no excuses and I will not join you in death.

The day that our parents died and you didn't shed a tear, the time when our aunt lay gasping in that hospital bed and all I could think about was where in hell were you...and for fuck's sake, Carmen, you killed every pet I had when you came to my door begging to be let in...whining and fake crying as you smeared animal blood all over my door.

Give me a reason not to kill you, Carmen.
.......................
You always wanted to tag along when me and the guys went bike riding or fishing. I saw the look in your eyes when we started to leave without you. Mother tried to tell you that little girls should play with their dolls or help to clean the house but you hated that sort of thing. I would see you reading some thick book like "The Lord of the Rings" or "Roots" and you would drop it and run toward me. You knew I was leaving for fun and you wanted to go. Even though my friends beat you up, you still couldn't get enough of tagging along.

"I think I should have been something else." she spoke as we all pushed our bikes down the street.

Gary, one of my buddies would look back at her and frown. "What the hell are you talking about, squirt?"

Carmen laughed and blew air out from between her lips. "I mean...I should have been a boy, maybe or an animal."

My friends would just laugh and change the subject. Sometimes when you talked like this, they winked at you and you winked back. Even though they knew you were just a "squirt"...they were oddly disturbed by your words. Sometimes, they would sneak out to have fun without me knowing...until I saw them pushing their bikes down the alleyway. Carmen, you would come up behind me and ask me why they were going without us. I would always lie to you and say...

"The just don't like me, Carmen...I am pretty lame."
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Kandice was wonderful. I think she was the most beautiful woman that I had ever met. Who am I kidding, she was just Kandice, but damn, she had a hold on me. She was only the third girlfriend that I had ever had but she seemed to complete me. I was so excited and happy about my relationship that I decided to let you meet her.

Carmen, you met Kandice only once. Then you disappeared. Shortly after you disappeared, Kandice disappeared as well. You know what you did and you know the toll it took on me, little sister. I had no idea where either of you went. I was lost and I couldn't even concentrate on work. Carmen, I lost my job. Many weeks after I lost both of you, my job and my sanity;  you left a message at my back door. Wrapped in a bloody peice of paper, was the little gold chain I had given you for Christmas and a locket that I had given Kandice. The letter was written very badly but basically it said:

Bubbbbbbbba

I killedd ur Kandicce girl. I sorry.
know I dead too u..here
love
Carmen

And this is one of the reasons why I hated you.

....so give me a reason not to kill you.