For the love of Death

Outside my window, there was nothing. I heard him knock again feeling my soul from the outside. He felt it, cold as it was, he ran his hand across my very being. His hard and unforgiving bones were beating upon my heart box…and I could not see him. The darkness covered us with wild intentions, my breath caught in my chest and everything was quiet a moment.

You there with the drowning visage, you there with the darkened hood…I see you wanting in but I cannot see you at all. I see with eyes that are not eyes, but I see you none the less. I open the door and death stands tall and proud. Only his jawbone with missing teeth can be seen beneath his favored disguise. Shadows cover his deep set sockets; he towers above me. I cannot help myself when I grab his other hand to stop his thump thumping of that scythe against the concrete porch. The wooden walking stick thing makes a hollow noise and it drives me to frustration. He pushes one finger against his teeth and makes a hissing noise. With this, I know to be quiet and let him come in.

Impatient death….oh with death and a personality, I am dumbfounded. I sit sitting on the edge of the couch and thrumb my fingers on my knee.

“I am hungry.” I speak frankly as the auburn lock falls into my eyes hiding my soul lights.

But there is nothing but a tall standing hellish demon in a cloak which does not make any intention of speaking, moving or giving a clue as to what he wants. I think death has lost all ability to be satisfied. Why, wouldn’t that make sense? Death is never satisfied and that is why he reaps.

“You are never ever happy are you, Death? In fact, you have no idea what that means at all. I do not see you skipping through the fields in laughter. I do not see you singing glad songs of good cheer. OH, death, why do you still come to me when you deem me mad?  I am mad, aren't I? I am fucking insane. What do you make fun with me when there are so many who hide their madness much better than I?"

Death did something odd again, as death has been want to do in the past month. He went to his knees as a hurting thing and pushed his skull into my face. I never get to the point where this doesn’t scare me and of course, I draw back. His boney arms and hands on my knees drive homeward with their wanting and I think for a moment that death has other desires than to transport the living to their destinations beyond the grave. I think death is an animal that feasts on what we try miserably to hide, but fail to in the end. He put his cold cold boney face on my knees and does not move. I am horrified.

“Please, you should not do that, sir. My blood is still warm and you cannot relate.”

My reality  disappeared as with everything else. There round about us and all over, was the wall that was not home. It was solid and smooth and triple fortified with brick after brick after brick. I gasped at the perfection in which I could have never done. This place was not my doing, this prison was not my wall from before. This one was logical and it was true. It seemed to serve the same  purpose as I could still hear the battle from outside of us.

“Death, who did this?”

His face moved up from my flesh, his form moved up from the floor and Death stood as he should again. People surrounded him in a haze of surreal thought. I saw them and they saw me. But they stood still around their master Death. I knew they were from my life, many different acquaintances and friends and monsters and demons. They held hammers and tools of all sorts. The blood dripped from each weapon of my entrapments.

“They did this.”

Death nodded and reached out for me. I took his hand and stood with him. I could only stare up and into this darkened half boney face. His teeth ground together magnificently as a great beast ready to eat his prey. With such gently deathly promise, he pulled me to him and eveloped my body into his black cloak. I did not want to go and did not wish for him to leave me here. It was cold inside the wall, it was cold everywhere in the dead of summer. My heart was cold, my soul was dying and he was wishing upon my last star with me.

I heard the horses hooves as the guests drew neigh. There were voices in the distance, jolly jovial things which rang of stale and molded years gone by. My father’s voice was there too, scolding me not to go into the deep water. My brother was screaming into my ear about how he wanted to kill me. Mother just wept at death’s side as her father was eaten by his cancer.

I heard them walking upon the grass, their giggles and laughter was intoxicating. I buried my face deeper in Death’s essence.

“please…please…don’t let them take me away.”

The jacket was beautiful and pristine white. I hugged myself tightly but fought to get free. The room was small and the walls were soft. I was alone and it was dark. I heard the voices outside my doorway but no one was there. I could not see them but I could see them very well with different eyes. Their bloody hammers  went to work.

I heard a loud explosion sounding from some great distance and a soft sweet lullabye touched my ear.

….and Death was gone.